Are you bold enough to say your teenager is safe from suicide or fleeing home?
Many teens in the U.S are attempting suicide. More girls are involved too. A recent report is shining light in this dark area.
But the report is on Americans alone right?
Yeah right, Think again!
Just because you haven’t noticed the reports in your country doesn’t mean it’s not happening around you.
I live in Lagos and months ago, a teenage neighbour of mine left home for days and was declared missing.
The reason?
Home doesn’t seem like a place to be anymore. Home isn’t fun, no one to share her teenage thoughts with and probably, no one gave her attention as well.
Some months before she left home, someone heard her discussing with another teenager who was saying she also was tired of home and felt like running away.
Good thing she was found safe. But that’s one in many.
Some say these incidents are triggered by the covid-19 situations. Yes, but that’s only partly true.
We share in this blame as a parent as well.
Try to answer these questions honestly.
- Do you notice your child and the changes they face?
- Does their irritable habit make you feel they’re just being stubborn (as expected from teenagers)?
- Have you taught them what they need to know about teenage? ( like some discomfort they could face during puberty, having feelings for the opposite sex, peer pressure and general self-care).
Or you’re waiting for the school to do it for you?
Now the question is, why do teenagers attempt suicide or flee home?
Because there’s an underlying problem you haven’t noticed as a parent or guardian.
Let’s dig up some reasons in this post.
Parents are constantly working hard to give their children a better life.
Yes, we already know that. But a good life is far more than what money can provide. At the top of the list is attention, support, love and care.
A teenager doesn’t just wake up one day and thinks ‘I am gonna kill myself or run away from home. Something must have triggered it.
So as a teacher, I am asking how it is that no grown-up around that boy or girl ever noticed it. Because these are school-age, young boys and girls.
If a teenager takes their life it’s shattering and depressing for the family, their friends and the school. If they attempted it once and failed, they could do it again if corrective measures aren’t put in place.
Consequently, if teenagers run away from home, they are highly prone to danger. They become homeless and move with the wrong group. They could be involved in drug abuse, sexual exploitation, rape, murder, mental breakdown and crime.
The reported numbers
The Centre for Disease Control and Prevention(CDC) in a online post of The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report says when compared to 2019, over 31% increase in mental health-related emergency department cases were registered in 2020.
And this is between adolescents of 12-17 years old. The case is even higher among girls.
More reports also say the weekly mean range of emergency department visits from February 21- March 20, 2021, for cases of suspected suicide was 50.6% up among girls 12-17 years old.
This is too alarming!
I wonder what could have triggered these numbers among teenage girls.
A teenager might not attempt suicide but what if they run away from home?
The triggers: why do teenagers attempt suicide or run away from home?
The problem was there before but has been triggered by the covid pandemic.
Lockdown meant schools shut their doors to students, so no avenue to leave the house and find peers who can easily relate with them.
Physical distancing means the time spent with playmates was limited and controlled. Those locker room gossip was reduced. They had no one to tell how they felt.
If you haven’t built an ‘ I’m your friend too’ kind of relationship with your teenager before now, it means they’ll have no one to share personal burdens with. And so, they’ll feel alone.
Families were also financially stressed at the same time. your teenager could see this. And for some of them, it’s overwhelming.
How unique are teenage years
The teenage years are a very important growth window in your child’s life. Attention and being available for teens make this period of development easy, fun and memorable for them.
Being available doesn’t mean well, “my job gives me time so they can come to ask me anything” because chances are, they won’t.
But why?
Well, because you’re their mom or dad and not their peer.
It is you that will make the first move. It’s you that will ask and insist that you want to know and be a part of your adolescent’s life. Show them you want to share and make a good memory with them like you did when they were infants.
There are many different reasons why teenagers attempt suicide or run away from home. But there is no one size fits all. The reasons are unique to each person.
For some,
- The absence of support at home. When teens start feeling that no one cares about them. and that their parents are not available or paying attention to them, that can lead them to take wrong actions as a way of escape
What you can do
Spend time doing activities with your teenagers. Let it be what they enjoy and let them pick what activities they like best. You can only suggest what you think is also beneficial for their age.
- Abuse of every form. Sexual, physical abuse or bullying in school is a no1 reason for young ones to attempt suicide or run away from home.
What you can do
Put your eyes down! Notice the changes in their body and mood. Ask them questions regularly. About happenings in school, whom they’re hanging out with, whom they like and do not like and why.
If they do spend time with family relatives when you’re not available, find out what happened when you were absent.
Simply cultivate the culture of talking with your teen always.
- Struggling too much with school grades. Please give attention to your teenager if you notice they are struggling too much in school. Falling grades can cause teens to run away from home or commit suicide as a way of avoiding school.
What you can do
Watch their reaction to low grades and offer your full understanding. Let them know you don’t love them less because of this. And find the help they may need. Like extra one to one tutoring and any accommodation plan that fits their learning needs.
4. Disorders and puberty changes. Teenagers who have disorders may struggle with issues related to the disorder they have. From depression to behavioural health, emotional, social or education issues.
Puberty is no exception. Puberty changes can be stressful to teens. Those growing bigger breasts than their peers may feel awkward and ashamed to even go to school. Meanwhile, you are telling them that they must be in school now.
For girls, menstruation can be a big turn off as well.
I remember at 12 when I started my menstruation, I cried whenever it’s that time of the month. I hated doing chores then. I always told my mom I want it to stop. That I hate it so much because mine comes with severe cramp
What you can do
This is when showing extra care, and being extra attentive can help avert those frustration feelings young ones could have.
Don’t wait on the school to teach them before you do. Help them speak with a professional and let them rest a lot.
5. Sexuality issues. young ones may be too scared to speak up about sexual position. because they feel they won’t be accepted.
” I feel like a boy or girl” Whatever!
Who cares whether you’re a boy or girl. What matters is what and who you become. The character that shapes your personality.
How parents and teachers handle it is more important. It’s a time to give support not backlash.
You can’t just accept this sudden change. Okay!
If you don’t want an adolescent who attempts suicide or runs away from home as a way of escaping your taunting, you must find where the balance lies. For you and your family.
What you can do
Set them up for counselling, therapy or let them take a vacation break to re-find who they are. But whatever you do, know that your child is struggling with their sexual identity. So give you care and support.
6. Inability to follow rules. No way! Every young boy or girl hate rules. Or should I say too many rules at home!
When they break the rules and you complain, it sounds like you’re ‘nagging’ them.
Teenage is the time where our children want to fly. If the rules are too rigid, they’d feel caged. They would see you like a ‘helicopter parent’, and look for an escape from the rules
What you can do
Simply don’t set rules that are too restrictive. Rules that forget the fact that teenagers still need to know the world around them.
First, give them the benefit of the doubt.
Speak with them about every rule you set. and give them the chance to set it with you. Plus the punishment they get if they break the rules. Then it will be easier for them to obey it.
This is one trick that teachers use in the classroom. Which makes them have good class control.
7. Substance Abuse problem. This isn’t easily noticed. Sometimes until the side effects start. Substance abuse can cause teens to commit suicide or run away from home.
And it’s highly widespread now in the U.S and all over the world. Destroying young people.
That’s why you must not hide any information from your child.
If you think not telling them about these things means they won’t find out until eighteen, then you have another thing coming. Especially those very religious families.
They will easily learn it elsewhere. And they will learn the wrong side of drugs.
What you can do
Come on, speak to them about the dangers of substance abuse and allowing peers to influence them. Teach them how to resist and mean No when they say No.
Keep educating them on this monster.
The signal they send
If you are a parent who observes your children a lot or a teacher who is observant of the students in their class, some of these signs may help you notice that something is wrong with the teenager in your care.
- Feeling easily irritated
- Feeling hopeless and sad
- Looking overwhelmed and stressed over little things that young ones can handle
- Showing signs of withdrawal
- Feeling neglected
- Making comments and notes relating to freedom, suicide or death.
The tell signs are many, depending on what has prompted a young person’s reason to want to take their life or run away from their homes. But when you notice your child acting different from their normal behaviour, then it’s time to leave no stone unturned.
Some prevention steps you can take
These steps should only serve as a suggestion to how you may be able to avoid the pitfalls of your child fleeing home or attempting suicide.
- Behavioural management. Watch the way your teen behaves and reacts to issues and teach them ways to manage them. I recommend the book “a little peaceful spot” by Diane Abler. It helps young people learn to manage their emotions
- Start teaching problem-solving and coping skills early enough
- Talk, talk, talk. Always find the time to have a heart to heart talk with your adolescent. Build a home where no one is allowed to bottle up their feelings but to say it out instantly
- Be flexible when setting house rules and make it together with them
- Be more accepting of their grades, personality, needs and opinions. Talk about your reservations with them and deal with them as a grown-up.
How teachers can help
Our job as teachers puts us in the position of a guardian. Not exactly, but somewhat like a second parent. After all, students spend almost the entire day in school– 8 am-2 pm for some.
They interact more with the school environment. From the school field during extra-curricular activities to the classroom during lessons to the locker room, school cafeteria and among peers.
If adults in these different school areas are observant and show care, they may notice changes in the teenager and eventually alert the parents.
Teachers could also help to notice when a young boy or girl in their class is battling with something. They could get depressed and it would reflect in their school work and behaviour as well.
As a teacher, you also want a school that is free from depressed, troubled, substance abuse teens. It makes teaching easier. You would like to be known as a school with a working pastoral care unit.
So, your efforts in observing students and informing parents coupled with an effective counselling unit will help parents find the support they need.
A parent can’t do it alone. It takes a community to raise a child and in a generation like this, the school is that community.
Finally, if anyone says it’s not a piece of cake to raise a teenager, I second that. because the truth is, it’s not.
I am beginning to think it’s the toughest job on the planet. Plus, it’s full-time. But still, we have to learn everything we need to carry out this job well.
Whether as a parent or teacher, everyone wants a healthy-minded, well-balanced teenager. That’s why in a joint effort, parents and teachers can rid our adolescents of the monster of suicide and running away from home.
You must be logged in to post a comment.